weird but not too weird

I am slowly migrating all three of my websites into one.

I believe I created each one of them in the hopes of not being "too weird" to the people that I was communicating with. And as I arrive here at a, fingers crossed, final resting place (but not in the dead way), I am racked with

WHO SHOULD I BE and WHAT IS MY VOICE and HOW THE HECK CAN I BE USEFUL.

Plus, the pressure is mounting as this blog post is THE FIRST STEP. THE FIRST STEP is always a bit wobbly and weird looking, at least in my experience. You just have to take

a

step.

and

a

nother.

I keep peering at myself through your eyes and what YOU might want me to look like/sound like/ be like. Can I be credible - and human? Can I be different but accessible? Can I be simple and not patronizing or trite? Is there room on the world wide web for one more voice?

And most importantly, should I use the f-bomb?

It's hard to stay inside myself.

And I think, maybe that's what we all want, to be weird but not too weird. And by too weird I mean, we don't want to get kicked out of the group, or out of our workplace, or out of our family.

We want to belong.

And so maybe I can hope that this "belonging" is actually found in the "too weird" place and made up of the people that you find in that place. And by "too weird" I mean people who fail, learn, and possibly look funny when they sleep. Maybe they lie, or judge or are unnaturally successful on their first try...

And so I say to myself, "hey sweet freaky lil weird thing, I like you."

And you, out there, "hey sweet lil weird scared powerful and incredible being, Hi. You can't scare me away."

And as I write this I consider that maybe the most we can endeavour to do is not scare as easily.

(I'm not scared of you!)