How to be a human...
YOU'RE DOING IT!
You're a human. You're a messy, complicated mass of loopy eternal stories and jack-in-the-box reactions. You talk about relationships ad nauseum with friends. You're complicated, you change partners but not patterns. You're thinking, I should be happy, but I'm not. You change partners but not patterns.
YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!
You eat relatively well. You ride a bike. You know what yoga is.
You have a secret library of self-help books under your bed that you trade on the DL with your friends.
You just never arrive. Something feels off. It's like we're working with the wrong tools or the wrong language sometimes.
My cousin once told me that when you see someone pulled over on the side of the road with the hood of their car up, they're really looking for the on/off switch and hoping to switch it back on.
This is what I look for.
The on/off switch.
And I want it yesterday.
And the lists of rules I know about how to live, how to interact, and how to "take care" of myself, are madness in my brain.
When do I stop analyzing and start living?
How do I stop feeling one step removed?
Where's the magic switch?
And it doesn't exist.
Instead...how do I
act on a first date
create a theatre piece
be on stage
be a good friend
start my morning
develop an exercise ritual that's satisfying
negotiate household chores with my boyfriend
be feminine and a feminist
When does life start?
HOW DO I BE A HUMAN?
And here it is, another one. And I'm conning you into reading it by telling you to read the very thing that I'm telling you stinks.
Same shift different pile?
oh geez. I really stop and question what this is about.
What's missing in mental health? nervous system, community, and play.
More human. Less Super human.
Possibility not Positivity.
Be kind: some of us got shitty tools.
There, that thing you're scared of?...that's your Creative Gold.
Belly Laughs are the goal.
Safety creates play
And even thought I believe in the ridiculously human, I also know about the "big dark hole," the "stuck" and teh "excruciatingly alone."
These are real. These can be debilitating.
1. Being human is about connection
2. fuck up
3. fuck self-help
4. be super human not superhero
5. possibility not positivity
6. do it.
7. fuck authenticity
8. recognize your nervous system
9. the first thing out of your mouth is never pretty.
10. be audacious…you are full of shit. this article is full of shit.
11. I was on Skype…it takes energy.
12. like’s aren’t smiles
13. comments aren’t touch.
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school of life…
you’re already doing it…
then why are we still here…cuz something is hurting. we’re lonely.
not cuz we need another clever idea.
we want to FEEEEEL better,
and the feeeeeeling is in the nervous system.
1. we are in this thing…addicted to figuring out how to be a better human. How to be good.
2. this is fucking with us.
3. this isn’t true, it’s only letting us be half a human.
How to be a human! Ha! There. You're doing it. Perfectly. Congratulations.all of it, and all of you, wow.
But there's this thing… Oh that thing? That's your creative gold. The thing you hate, it's part of the swingset for the things you can't live without
You want to do that other thing? Really? Or do you just want to feel good, and you think that will get you there?
You are ridiculous, and human, and so stupid, don't listen to your mother. And you were also glorious, and so smart, and so pretty. You are everything. And nothing.
You are trying so hard. I see you. You're tired. Or maybe better yet, exhausted. But out. Adrenal gland's shutting down.…
And you say, but this isn't good enough. I feel a lot of shitty things. It feels so heavy when he doesn't text. I still feel overly anxious about doing the job I know I need to do.I still constantly search the faces of others to see if they like me.
Of course you do, sweetie. I get it.
These things are here liferafts. Only do you don't realize that you're standing on solid ground, and adult, with a view solid friends. And a good job. And an excellent natural path.
I do think Belly laughs are the highest thing