As I create an identity for my new 3 in 1 blog I am still thinking about the idea of "weird but not too weird."
There's the part of me that says, be weird, let your freak flag fly.
There's the other part of me that says, we have to play the game, put on the pant suit, and conform.
***Thought: Are these two versions of a similar thing? A question I will not indulge in at this time.***
To the LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY part of me I say, cool. Great. Yes. We need you in the world.
are you listening?
Do your conversations resemble dialogues or are they more like a monologue?
In my classes, sometimes we get all our crazies out, and we develop a really cool environment in which to do that. We build trust over time and stay within a fairly specific structure (eg. 3 hour class, specific exercises, I facilitate).
Often there comes the question of, "but out in the "real world"people don't want to play with me?" Or someone gets on stage and tries something super whacky that's completely disconnected from the audience.
And I say, wait, are we listening? What is the actual conversation/play that is happening between you and THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD." Play looks different depending on the context, ranging from a subtle exchange in a nuanced conversation to a whacky theatrical experience. For a real time felt experience to take place, and for people to be changed, everyone has to be on board.
I can't go into a one on one session with someone trying to be the radical, fun and exciting therapist/coach. I build trust. I slow down and see the other person. I also make sure that if I do start to play or stretch the container that the person is along for the ride with me.
THE POINT OF CONNECTION - WHERE IS IT?
To the "freak flag flyer" in me I say, who cares how freaky you are if you're not connecting and no one feels safe enough to hear you.
To the CONFORM part of me I say, ok, and now what.
What more, what else, what can you risk, how far can you take yourself and others?
In the world of even keel encounters can you lean into the discomfort of feeling more than you might normally and allowing others to see you like that?
Can you wear different socks?
Can you say one surprising thing in a meeting or risk a slightly more intimate question like, how are you holding up with your current workload and upcoming move?
How is your daughter, I heard she went to the hospital?
Can you risk saying you're afraid/moved/excited/feeling numb?
Brene Brown, who studies in the field of vulnerability in a tried and true scientific way says something to the effect of, the first thing we look for in someone else is vulnerability, and yet it's the last thing we're willing to show.
Can you risk giving permission to yourself and consequently those around you?
And so I give a little wink nod to both the conformist and the weirdo in me, and in you.